blah.

How can you act as if the past two and a half years didn't happen?
They did.

Some parts sucked, but so much of it was great.

It's sad you don't think of me with fond memories as I do with you.
Instead you are trying to forget I ever existed.



Your loss.

This was never my home.

It's so weird how a few days can change everything.

As I take down the pictures on the wall,
and divide our things between what is mine and what is yours,
I'm overwhelmed by the feeling that I never belonged here.
Not in this place. Maybe not even with you.
It's hard to tell when your life is neatly packed into cardboard boxes.

I'm glad this is happening, despite how awkward things might be with us.
This was never my home. You were never my home.


This is just the beginning of my life.
A new chapter.
In a way I am grateful to you:
You have now freed me to do all the things I've always wanted to.
I can spend next summer in Europe.
I can teach in Thailand after I graduate.

So much world to see, so little time.
Wish me luck.

Ooooh Life.

So many things to update on, so little time. Essentially some key events I have attended since my last update include: my cousin Tylers wedding, my family's gold tournament, aaand the Blink 182 concert.

SO, the wedding: Was SO much fun. Got shit faced and danced with my dad all night, pretty much. T'was a good night. I took a friend of the family, Cody, as my date because Blain is a doucher and didn't get the weekend off of work. But whatevs. Hilarious night.

Golf tournament: Also an amazing night. Once again, was quite shit faced. Sang karaoke. I was the MC =) I got to announce all of the prizes and such. While eating a sausage, I nearly bit off my finger. Classy.

BLINK CONCERT: AAAAAMAZING. Booked our hotel at the Renaissance, but they oversold for the night so we got moved to the Fairmont Royal York. Take a moment and google that hotel. WTF. We felt like IDIOTS in there. Everyone was all dressed up and fancy and we were scraggly ass bums in jeans. We walked back to the hotel after the concert, and it was POURING out soooo we stumbled in drenched and I had makeup running down my face. Claaaaassy shit. The concert was great. I THROUGHLY recommend seeing them in concert.

Yeeaaaa, thats about as much detail as I'm putting in this hoe. PEACE BITCHES.

OH, KITTY UPDATE.

OH OH OH, 

We got a new foster kitten named Victoria. Blain LOVES her, and has decided that she is HIS kitten, and I'm not allowed to play with her. For the first time, out of all the cats in and out of here, she likes him more than me. So he is pretty excited. She is always snuggling with him, and sleeping all curled up on his pillow.

She is a total friggin sweetheart. The most well-behaved kitten on the planet. Total snuggle monster. Her new name is Poppy =)

I'm totes getting another foster cat though. I don't even care what Blain thinks/says. It's my apartment too, and I will fill to the mother effing BRIM with cats. MWAHHHAHAHHAAH.

Pixie would have loved this. New kitties to play with all the time. *sigh* I'm beginning to forget what it was like having her. Losing memories is so hard. Atleast I have pictures and a few videos. =(

Flip flops + rain = bad news bears.

SO.

I just got back from my exam about 30 mins ago. Essentially today was fucking BRUTE. It seemed to be a bit cloudy out when I was leaving the house, but figured I would still be OK in flip flops, as it wasn't particularly cold.

That was without a doubt the worst decision of my day.

Blain came with me to the bus stop, so he could travel on to buy groceries for dinner. I am legit 20 mins early for the bus. I see it coming and get out of the bus shelter and go to the sidewalk. Mother fucker passes me. 

I almost lost my shit. Like hardcore. 

I had to squish my way down King St in my fucking flip flops, sliding all over the place like a complete doucher. Because of this, I obviously could not walk very fast, and it was becoming more and more present with every passing moment that I was going to be late for my exam.

ANYWAYS, I end up rounding the corner into my classroom a couple seconds after 7:00. Solid. So I'm standing in the middle of my class, lookin' haggard and stressed as ever, with no fucking desk to sit at. Legit wanted a meteorite to hit my classroom in that moment.  The exam was decently easy. Not feeling like a 90%, but deff not a fail, so overall, great success. I finished it in about 30 mins, making the whole trip fairly useless.

I'm just glad it's over with.

I still have one small assignment left that I have to do by next Tuesday. I figure I'll hand in my assignment, get my student card, and meet with my academic advisor in the same day. Three birds, one stone.

I dig it.

Dear Waldo,

Hello baby boy. I hope you know that I didn't let those people take you because I didn't love you, because trust me, I definitely did. You have been such a good boy the last few weeks, and I'm so happy that you're going to have a friend to play with at your new house. 

I hope you are nice to her! She seems like a lovely kitty. I hope you'll be best friends with her. Maybe then you won't miss the herd so much =(. I hope you know that you are going to a safe place, and not back to animal control. I would never do that to you baby boy. Never ever.

 

They are going to love you forever, mister. I promise.

This hurts a lot. I wonder if it gets any easier to say goodbye to them. Fostering is tough =(.

Summah school is for SQUARRREEESSS.

I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but I got into McMaster University (wehooo!). BUT, in order to be enrolled as a second year student in September, I have to take a course this spring. It's twice a week, Mondays and Wednesday from 7 - 10 PM. Balls, I know. Buuut the first class was pretty awesome, minus an obnoxiously loud guy sitting next to me. It always bothers me when people are loud during lectures. WHY are you even there!? Why pay $500 to come sit in a class and not pay attention?! FRIGG.

Maybe I'm a nerd. Mehh. Regardless, I love school, and am very excited to be back in it after having a whole semester off =).

My building is having balcony repairs done, and that shit is ridiculously loud. A letter was put on my door informing me that they start on my balcony tomorrow. That should be just friggin LOOOVELY. I work early anyways, so I suppose that really doesn't matter. 

OH OH! And after work tomorrow, my momma is going to come pick me up and I'm going home for a few days. WEHOOOOO! My sister is going to be there too, so it should be a good time. We are going to have a BBQ =). I luhh cheezburgerz. 

Maybe I won't be late for tonight's class, now that I know where it is, haha. 

HOLLER.

Reason #120854 why I love Blain.

Last night, while snuggling in bed, we got to talking about our plans to get another kitty friend for Blinx. Every night since we lost Pixie, she has cried at our door, and one of us has had to wake up at approx. 6 AM to lay on the couch with her =(. There were these adorable orange kittens on the animal control website, and I'm serrrrriously hoping that they are being fostered by TCR (the shelter I foster for) so I can call shotgun on the fluffy oneee. ANYWAYS, so as we are discussing this, I ask "What should we name her?" and without even hesitating he replies, "Poppy".

Poppy was the name Pixie had when we first got her (Cuteness rating OFF THE CHARTS).

He had put serious thought into this, as since day one, he has wanted to get another girl. And that was the reason: So we could name her after our baby. Gaaaaah, that boy melts my heart. It always blows my mind how caring and sensitive he is. I didn't think any guy was like that, but I'm beginning to think they are all. They're just better at hiding it then us girls =).

Aaaanyways, it's payday/give-up-all-my-money-to-pay-bills day. But not before I buy a dress for this weekend. BOOOOOYAAAAA.

Mah baby is back home where she belongs =)

...mind you, she is in an urn. But I mean, it's better than nothing. It came in a box filled with packing peanuts, and I just KNOW she was loving it in there. If she were alive, she would have went APE SHIT over that box. I definitely cried when we walked out of there, my little baby tucked away in a box in my arms. 

We went to Dairy Queen, and had 2 for 1 Blizzards (I had a coupon. I know, I'm 57 years old). That made me feel a little better. But I couldn't help but think that the last time I was in that DQ was two weeks ago, and Pixie was with us. Only that time, she was alive. =(

Gaaaaaah. 

Blain and I randomly went to get haircuts today, at a school for hair design. This could have ended in disaster, buuut we only paid $7 each, so I mean...it was worth the risk. Blain looks like a little baby, SO cute, and I'm fairly partial to my new doo as well.

PAY DAY TOMORROWWWWWWWWWWW!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

But, it's bed time for now. Blain is being a big grumposaurus. 

HOLLA.

"Fighting" FAILS.

I generally like most movies. I'm passive like that. As long as it has something going for it, I'm down. However, this movie I genuinely did not like. And it's not because it's  fighting movie; I'm fine with these types of movies. 

*POTENTIAL SPOILERS*

From the get-go the movie started up really fast, delving right into the story, which I appreciate in movies. However, it seemed WAY over edited. Suddenly Terrance Howard and Channing Tatum's characters are fucking chums? Out of nowhere, its a known fact that Channing went to college? When was this mentioned? He is SO confidant in Channing's fighting skills after seeing him punch like two guys? WTF? I can fight as well as he did in that fucking "pivotal" scene, and I'm a teenage girl. 

I didn't give a fuck about ANY of the characters. Worst attempt at character development I've ever seen. There is a part where Channing's character Sean FREAKS out over the fact that his agent/coach (Terrance) knows the girl he just boned, as she was his middle man of sorts for him, placing all the bets. Ohhh nooooo, how fucking tragic. Is he 15? Really, I'm just making sure that he isn't a prepubescent little schoolgirl. 

How often do you ask.com (formally ask jeeves) your potential suitors? NEVER! That is how often! WTF! "He seems like a nice guy, I wonder what Jeeves thinks of him..." Fucking creeper. Obviously the more credible thing to have done would be to facebook creep him. Which is far more legitimate, albeit still pretty fucking weird...oh well. 

Another thing: Where the fuck was the soundtrack to this piece of shit? SILENCE the entire effing time (well, most of it at least). Music makes movies what they are; totally makes or breaks it. Bad music can fuck up movies HARD, but I mean, NO music? What the shit is that about? 

Whatevs. I'm annoyed. Good thing Blain pays for the movies all the time. Seeing "The Soloist" tomorrow. That should help restore my dwindling faith in the movie industry. Maybe.

Adventures in Hamilton

Yesterday, after many hours of walking around Shoppers, and painting our nails in the tattoo parlour, we finally got our effing tattoos together. It only took like 3 weeks of planning, scheduling, cancelling and rescheduling, haha. We just aren't every good with plans it would seem. ANYWHOOO, I got a pretty big tattoo on my wrist of cherry blossoms. It hurt like a mother fucker and was the longest tattoo session I have experienced. NOT A FAN of long periods of tattooing. I don't know how I'm going to sit through the ones I want on my ribs. Blaaaaah.

Not that I can get that anytime soon, because let's be honest, I'm broke as fuck. My little Pixikins set us back $1100. Buuuut I'm getting ballin' cheddah from the government sooo that will be lovely. Mind you, things are going to suck until that time. 

Here's the new tat. The purple in the flowers is actually just the stencil, and will wash off in the next day or so. Oh, and that's my new shade of nail polish. Ballin'. 

Sooo it's a little creepy looking overall, due to the scabby grossness involved with healing tattoos. I'm actually not certain that I fully appreciate it at this point, though I've never been 100% satisfied with any of my tattoos. But I can't wait to see it all healed up nicely. It is super cute. Kinda wishing that I would have asked for brown instead of the black. Definitely can't change that, haha. My brother is going to KILL me. I'll just have to wear long sleeves around him, hahaha.

Hollaaaaa

Don't worry about a thing. Cuz every little thing is gonna be alright...

Despite more bad news heading my way, I have a few things to look forward to, that help keep a smile on my face, when all I want to do is mope. My mom and step-dad are getting their horses delivered this weekend. Even though they don't really know how to even put on a saddle yet. 

The past few years, has been like watching my mom's dreams come true. First, she gets a Newfoundlander, her favourite breed of dog. Then, she moves to a beautiful farm, which she has always wanted to do. And now she is getting horses which she has always dreamed of for as long as I can remember. 

A month or two ago, she found this horse for sale named Grace. She is a Tennessee Walking Horse, which basically means she won't toss our asses off. Which is solid gold for us, as NONE of us are experienced with horse back riding. So anyways, she had been doing nothing but thinking about horses, from the moment she woke up to the moment she went to sleep, and then she was friggin' dreaming of them too. She just REALLY wanted this horse. Well, Thomas, my lovely step father found out a way that they could get TWO horses and not be put in debt. Soooo her dreams all came true and they ended up getting Grace (brown one), as well as Magic (the black one).

They are arriving at the farm Saturday morning, and my parents are STOKED. Going home is going to be even more amazing than usual, with this addition to the family. OH, and she is also getting two little kitters for the barn. I told her she had to get two so that they wouldn't get lonely =). They are definitely going to be loved and cuddled more than the average barn cat. My mom loves animals too much to let them go by without a good snuggle and some kisses every day. I think my little sister is naming them Calvin and Hobbes, haha.

Her pet count is getting fairly outrageous. She is up to 5 dogs (3 Newfoundlanders, 1 Rottie cross mutt, and 1 Shih Tzu), and is now adding 2 horses and 2 cats to that equation. If you ever wondered where my love of animals came from...

Other things I am looking forward to:

- Kim's Birthday celebrations next weekend

- Going home for 4 days next month (which will include horse back riding, obviously, as well as birthday dinner for my momma)

- Ottawa in July for a few days to visit my friends and celebrate being CANADIAN.

- Every friggin movie coming out this summer (atleast one good one EVERY WEEKEND! WEHOO!).

My foster cats are going to be getting some different meds tomorrow. Waldo's eyes are infected and they both have the sniffles. I'm going to miss them when they are adopted out. Especially Quigley. He is SUCH a shithead. I love it. 

I think I'm going to have to get another cat or kitten to keep Blinx company. She seems really upset that Pixie is gone. It breaks my heart to see her wander around the house, meowing, and trying to find her. *sigh*. Speaking of Pixie, I haven't cried ONCE all day =). Great success, considering the mess I've been the past few days. 

Well I'm off to eat copious amounts of food after a boring day at work.

Hollaaaa.

Day two without my angel.

I don't expect anyone to read this. In fact, I doubt I'm going to tell anyone about it's existence. But I need to let this out. 

Have you ever cried so much, your cheeks became chapped? Have you ever missed someone so much, a simple memory triggers convulsive fits of tears, no matter where you are? Have you ever wanted to blame anyone or anything that you could for taking away your angel, despite there really being nothing to blame?

Losing someone you love is probably one of the hardest things anyone can go through. And I have lost my fair share of loved ones. Many-a-funeral I have attended. Too many for a girl as young as I am. But this loss I have most recently been hit with, was that of my  tiny, innocent 4-days-shy of 4 months old kitten. Her name was Pixie, though she had been bestowed with several nicknames in the short time we got to love her. Princess Pixie Dust, Snicklefritz, Squishy, Kitter Bum...We gave her more love than any cat could have asked for.

Some people may think that being this devastated over the loss of something like a kitten is absurd. But how could losing your best friend be any easier? I spent more time in a day with her than anyone else. She was always there to snuggle up in my lap, taking a nap under my laptop. Most of the time she refused to lay anywhere else but on my chest, essentially putting us face to face all hours of the day. All I know is that this is one of the hardest things I've had to go through, and considering that my life really hasn't been all rainbows and butterflies, that is definitely saying something. 

I keep expecting her to jump up on the couch to lay with me, or to look over and she her cuddled in the nook of my boyfriend's elbow while he is on his computer. But she is not coming back. And that fact alone is probably the hardest to deal with. 

Never again will I be able to pet under her chin like she likes. Never will she nibble on my lip ring. Never will she greet me at the door after a long day at work. Never again will she fall asleep next to me. Never again will I fill her tiny food dish. Never again will I have to go rescue her, after having climbed to the VERY top of that random Ikea storage thing that hangs from the curtain rod. She loved playing in that thing. 

*sigh* We are getting her ashes sent to our vet sometime next week. We both really wanted that. It's like she will always be with us this way. My little angel.  

I just hopes she knows that we did everything we could to save her. And that we are going to miss her every day for most likely the rest of our lives. The hole in my heart you left the night you died will never fully heal, Pixie. I will always love you. Always.